Monday, March 07, 2005

Bitch Slappin' Negativity

I am finding that I have been meeting a lot of negative people lately. Where do they come from anyway? I used to think it was the abundance of rain in Seattle, but we haven't had much rain as of late. It must be something else. Maybe it's me, because it is, afterall, ALL about ME isn't it?

Seriously though, what is up with the negativity? This is not a rhetorical question people. Now this is not to imply that my middle name is Pollyanna. It isn't. I am quite skilled at complaining about this or that or the other thing. I am also prone to exaggeration, but that is merely for my own amusement. It seems that everyone I have been meeting as of late is not only always complaining, but they are downright miserable "oh woe is me-ing" all over the shitdamnmotherfucking place.

I mean really, just because I don't have any other color in my wardrobe except black, doesn't mean I'm a negative person. I'm not. Quite the contrary. I'm perky. I'm fun. I'm pretty damn cool if I do say so myself. I am also empathetic, but a grrl has got to draw the line at some point. This constant negativity shit is not attractive.

The bizarre thing is that some of these miserable fucks don't really seem to have that much to be miserable about. The one person who has gone through utter hell for the past few years, who SHOULD be fucking miserable, isn't. In fact, she's pretty damn positive under the circumstances. However these other folks, geesh! At least try to fake some happiness people.

Why are people so miserable? Now you know I love you all in Seattle, but I have never met a larger group of miserable and pretentious folks. I'll save further comment about the pretentiousness of Seattle for another post, before Seattelites hunt me down and whip me with some wheatgrass or pho noodles. I'm sure you will all tell me to stop whining, bitch slap a few of these people, and get over it myself. Well before you can even type out the "b" in bitch slap, I assure you, the point has already been noted.

So you all know who you are. I am not your psychotherapist. If you wish me to be, please be advised that my fee is $85/hour, and I require a non-refundable minimum retainer. This is tough love baby.