Friday, January 21, 2005

I Heart Metro

So. I ride the bus. I've actually gotten pretty proficient at it. As it is the ONLY "mass transit" option we have in our fair city of Seattle, I must, if nothing else, deal with it. I've explored many a Metro route, including, but not limited to, the 7, 10, 15, 18, 26, 28, 43, 44, 130, 132, and 150. But by far, my FAVORITE route is the 358.

Ah, the 358. Anyone who has ever had the opportunity to ride the 358 knows exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, I probably don't even need to finish this post. You 358 riders can just skip this if you wish. However, if you feel I have forgotten to mention anything about this route, please feel free to comment.

For those of you unfamiliar with Metro, or the 358, please allow me to explain. Route 358 extends from downtown Seattle (I'm not really sure where it begins) up past Shoreline (I'm not really sure where it ends). What is most important to know about this route, is that it travels all the way up Aurora. It's touted as an "express" but I have never found it very expressful. Although there is quite a bit of expression on the bus.

Wait, coach. Metro prefers the term coach over bus. Very Cinderella-esque. Last time I was on the 358, I saw/heard/smelled the following:

A 50+ year old 70's style pimp, complete with Jerri curl
A man carrying a chainsaw
A young woman talking on her cell phone about how her boyfriend just got arrested because he waived his glock in some guy's face
Cheap ass beer

Unfortuately, this is not a complete list of all of my observations.

For all of you inspiring writers out there, this is the bus for you. There is tons of great material waiting to be plucked from bowels of this route and transfered to the pages of your next novel. Without fail the bus, er coach, driver has to stop the bus at least once to tell someone to stop drinking or get the hell off.

Now, and this is for those of you who ride this route on your morning commute, for you may disagree with my above characterization. The "commuter ride" is full of, well, commuters, which isn't quite so entertaining. Commuters are a different breed. They sit on the bus, typically in silence even though they ride with the same group of folks every day, arms and legs drawn close to the body for fear of making physical contact with another human being. But I suppose that is another topic for another time.

If you want to know more about where route 358 travels, or any other Metro bus, shit, coach, check out the attached link. Metro has a pretty cool trip planner attached to their website. Much like Mapquest and the like, it will help you get from point a to point b on the bus, ACK, coach, without having to wait on hold for an hour with customer service.

The opinions expressed above are entirely those of the author and in no way intend to represent the opinions of Metro or any of its subsidaries. The author was not paid a fee for this post.

Monday, January 17, 2005

More Newsworthy Bar News

Perhaps I should begin to describe my job. I work with insane people. Now I don't mean that literally, although I suppose that it questionable, and I certainly don't mean to be offensive with the use of the word insane. I could say that my co-workers are emotionally challenged, but that doesn't really provide an accurate picture. They are all absolutely, positively, fucking crazed.

I work in the legal field. I will leave it at that. Not because there isn't a great deal to be said about my occupation, but there is little that I can say without violating one ethical rule or another. Since I cannot speak of clients or cases, I will talk about the individuals I work with on a daily basis.

There are numerous adjectives fitting to describe my co-workers. Manic. Goofy. Confused. Egotistical. Nervous. Cruel. Self Absorbed. Humorous. Brilliant. Diligent. Aggressive. Abusive. Dorky. Manipulative. Hard Working. I don't think these descriptors are in any way different from anyone's co-workers. However, there are some things that I have seen that make me wonder if I am working in Wonderland.

I have decided that an example is in order. Here we go.

Alice: (Knocks on Partner #1's door) Hi.
Partner #1: Hi. Come on in.
Alice: I have a question.
Partner #1: You're not allowed to ask any questions. (Phone rings) Hello? Hold on just a moment. Alice, I'm sorry, I apologize. Just a moment please. (Partner #1 continues talking on phone)
Alice: (Waiting for Partner #1 to finish call)
Partner #1: (Finishes call) Yes, I'm sorry, I apologize.
Alice: Uh, my question is...
Partner #1: No questions allowed.
Alice: Okay, well that's fine, but in XYZ case...
Partner #1: No. NO!
Alice: Yeah, um, well need to finish this...
Partner #1: (Sticks fingers in ears) I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I'm not listening. I can't hear you. La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Alice: (Waits patiently) Are you done yet?
Partner #1: La-la-la. (Phone rings) I'm sorry, I apologize, one moment, please, just one moment. Hello? (Continues talking on phone)
Alice: Sigh.
Partner #1: Okay, yes. I'm here.
Alice: Nevermind, I forgot my question.
Partner #1: Question? No questions. La-la-la-la-la-la-la. I can't hear you. I can't hear you.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Quite frankly, I'm not that creative.

Monday, January 03, 2005

In the Beginning...

I feel as if I should begin with some sort of introduction. However, I have a tendency to skip introductions, so I'm torn. What is this place? Perhaps I seek to create an electronic space to determine once and for all whether or not I am insane, or just a little bit weird. Maybe there is absolutely no purpose whatsoever. This, like just about everything, is a work is progress. There are no rules, there are only words. Perhaps you will find a social or political rant, a bit of poetry, stories of chaos and insanity, song lyrics, thoughts, meanderings, or ponderings about life in general, and some crazy shit I couldn't possible make up. Hopefully, you will find humor in the words that follow.