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Perhaps I should begin to describe my job. I work with insane people. Now I don't mean that literally, although I suppose that it questionable, and I certainly don't mean to be offensive with the use of the word insane. I could say that my co-workers are emotionally challenged, but that doesn't really provide an accurate picture. They are all absolutely, positively, fucking crazed.

I work in the legal field. I will leave it at that. Not because there isn't a great deal to be said about my occupation, but there is little that I can say without violating one ethical rule or another. Since I cannot speak of clients or cases, I will talk about the individuals I work with on a daily basis.

There are numerous adjectives fitting to describe my co-workers. Manic. Goofy. Confused. Egotistical. Nervous. Cruel. Self Absorbed. Humorous. Brilliant. Diligent. Aggressive. Abusive. Dorky. Manipulative. Hard Working. I don't think these descriptors are in any way different from anyone's co-workers. However, there are some things that I have seen that make me wonder if I am working in Wonderland.

I have decided that an example is in order. Here we go.

Alice: (Knocks on Partner #1's door) Hi.
Partner #1: Hi. Come on in.
Alice: I have a question.
Partner #1: You're not allowed to ask any questions. (Phone rings) Hello? Hold on just a moment. Alice, I'm sorry, I apologize. Just a moment please. (Partner #1 continues talking on phone)
Alice: (Waiting for Partner #1 to finish call)
Partner #1: (Finishes call) Yes, I'm sorry, I apologize.
Alice: Uh, my question is...
Partner #1: No questions allowed.
Alice: Okay, well that's fine, but in XYZ case...
Partner #1: No. NO!
Alice: Yeah, um, well need to finish this...
Partner #1: (Sticks fingers in ears) I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I'm not listening. I can't hear you. La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Alice: (Waits patiently) Are you done yet?
Partner #1: La-la-la. (Phone rings) I'm sorry, I apologize, one moment, please, just one moment. Hello? (Continues talking on phone)
Alice: Sigh.
Partner #1: Okay, yes. I'm here.
Alice: Nevermind, I forgot my question.
Partner #1: Question? No questions. La-la-la-la-la-la-la. I can't hear you. I can't hear you.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Quite frankly, I'm not that creative.