Exhibitionist Exhibit Eschews Excitement

Today I was riding the bus. Route 18 to be exact. I was just minding my own business. When it happened. Again.

I must be a lucky person, because this is not the first time I have had the pleasure of witnessing a detailed unveiling of the male anatomy in a public place. Just in case there might be any confusion regarding the above statement, I am being sarcastic. I could go into great detail as to why I don't particularly want to view the typically covered nether regions of the male anatomy on the bus, but for the sake of brevity, which I do not normally possess an ounce of, I will focus on one, and only one reason as to why I find this...problematic.

But first, let me tell you what I witnessed.

So I'm sitting at the front of the bus. I am sitting in one of two rows of seats that face each other. As I said, I am minding my own business. A man enters the bus and takes the seat opposite mine. He is wearing a hooded sweatshirt, with the hood up covering his head and part of his face, sunglasses, and very short nylon running shorts. I take note of the glowing white legs and proceed to look out the window across from me.

I feel as if someone is staring at me, so I look up. Then, I see it.

Yes. It.

It is no longer enclosed in the aforementioned running shorts. It is now out, on the seat of the bus. So I did the only thing I could do.

I laughed. Loud. People looked in my direction.

I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't, but I found it amusing. Apparently this wasn't the reaction running short man wanted, because he stood up and moved closer to the front of the bus.

Now, let's get to the point. The reason that I laughed. While I certainly do not appreciate being flashed on the bus...isn't it bad enough I am on the bus to begin with people...but if you are going to be an exhibitionist, I feel strongly that you should, at the very least, have something worth exhibiting. Running short man did not.

Did I mention it appeared to be er, fully extended? Maybe I'm wrong about that. At least I hope I am, for his sake.

So here is my tip for the day. Don't expose yourself on the bus. This should be a given, but obviously it isn't. However, if you feel the need to get your exhibitionist fix while riding Metro, please take my words of wisdom to heart. Simply put, if you're going to take it out, be sure it's something to brag about.