Living Room Tent Action Infraction

So I'm putting up a tent in my living room. And the phone rings. It is my very wise friend. And I knew it was my very wise friend before I walked over to the phone and saw his name on the caller ID.

I tell him that it's about time. And of course he has no idea what I'm talking about. I knew that I would talk to him today. And given that fact that he is either working or working or working. Occasionally sleeping or working. I never really know when it is good to call or when it is not good to call. So sometimes I just guess and I usually guess wrong and wake him up. That is an experience in and of itself and the subject for an entirely separate post.

You see. I had this feeling all day that we would speak. And so we did.

I tell him that I am putting up a tent in my living room. And I explain that I am having a difficult time with the putting up of said tent due to the fact that I am not very tall. So he starts to explain to me in great detail how to assemble a tent and discusses the finer points of tent rod bending technique.

Well. I know how to assemble a tent. But I'm having difficulties because I cannot get enough bend on the rods that form the frame of the tent because they are fucking longer than the river Styx and I am in my living room so space is limited and I can't pull them up at the top because I can't reach them.

I try to explain this but I am not making much sense because I am putting up a tent in my living room while talking to my very wise friend. And as you are most likely already aware. This is perfectly normal. So. Uh. You get the idea.

It probably didn't help that I was trying to set up a tent in my living room while holding the phone with the other hand. Of course I didn't realize this until I finished my conversation and with both hands and shoulders and brain cells free I was able to finish the assembly process.

Then I stepped back from the scene for a moment. I imagine my new roommate laughing his ass off at the visual of this enormous tent in our living room. And when I say enormous I mean to say that this is a big ass fucking tent.

I purchased this tent for the bargain price of $14.99 at UNNAMED NEARBY PRO-UNION STORE. Sprinkel and I wandered into the camping gear section of the store while we were purchasing beer and fake grillable meat and tiki torch wicks for a recent vegan cook out. And no one could pass up a tent for $14.99.

But it's fucking big. And I am rather surprised at the size of said tent for one simple reason. The tent indicates that it is a two to three person tent. After assessing my past tenting experiences I know that to mean that two people can fit in a three person tent if and only if they sleep in some sort of puzzle pieced manner. In other words...they had better like each other and someone should most definitely be on some form of birth control. IWhen I purchased this tent I figured this would be the perfect size to own as I am a rather small person.

I thought perhaps the fact that the tent was in the living room might be causing some sort of deception as to its actual size. So I crawled in. Four people could sleep comfortably in this tent. I bet we could squish in six. And no. I'm not kidding.

So I must wonder now. Have tent sizes increased because we as a population have increased in size. Or because we seem to always want more of everything.

Perhaps next week I can convince my very wise friend to camp out in the tent in my backyard. We will most certainly have enough room if anyone else is up for some back yard camping.


** This post is for my very wise friend because he is expecting to read about my tent adventures here and for once I wanted him to be right about something.