Tied to a Traffic Light. Again.

In this moment. Everything is continuous mistake making. And every step is a stumble. Words. Once ally. Now enemy. I am simmering in a pot of. Alphabet soup reconstituted. S and U float by in the broth. And I need the. Letters to make the words that. I cannot seem to find. I am left. Holding R-N and T-A-Y. But I cannot seem to spell anything. Completely. Anymore.

Perhaps there are letters. Missing. Words not familiar to my. Limited vocabulary. Already eaten by the spoonful. Or maybe they never. Found their way into the can in that place where. Condensed soup is processed and. Packaged.

I take letters that remain. Attempt to. Form words. Discover that they betray me. Words. Once I felt secure and. Safe with them. Now my mouth opens. And they spill out. All wrong. And I am left alone with. What I really mean.

Once I was told that. I speak in. Vague tones. And I know that I. Hide behind language. Utilizing an Alice in Wonderland-esque vocabulary to. Distract you from the detour. A tour of the rabbit hole so that. You will forget or. Simply give up.

I am tied. To a traffic light. Naked and blindfolded. In downtown Seattle during. Rush hour. Alone with my. Intentions. Alone with my mind racing. Through a yellow light. I. Feel like a voyeur. Forced to see my. Self like this. Again.

Fragile. I do not want to. Admit that I am not always. Strong enough. Do not always. Know enough. Tired of this role. But I do not know any other. Way. In this. Moment everything has been. Rattled. Contents shifted. Into corners. I cannot manage to. Rid myself of. My overwhelming supply of. Styrofoam peanuts that. Remain.


** An acquaintance of mine recently wrote about himself in a very honest manner. I skimmed the words. Feeling like a voyeur. Or perhaps the feeling was not so much voyeuristic. But rather in the reading of his words I became uncomfortable. Not simply due to the personal nature of the admissions. But because I know that I am not always so honest with myself. And perhaps it is time.

This is the best I can manage in this moment. Thank you Sharp.