Celebratin' the Day of the Lord

Give it up for the Lord.

I mean. Really. It is. After all. The birthday of the Lord. So give it up.

I though I should celebrate the day of the Lord proper. So I tried to think about what Christians would do on this day. I thought. And than I thought about it a bit more. I made a list. I checked it twice. I put my plan for celebrating the day of the Lord into action. It is good to have a plan.

So I began the celebration. I began celebrating the day of the Lord. First. I went to THE ONLY FREAKIN' STORE OPEN TWENTY FOUR HOURS ON THE DAY OF THE LORD WHICH WILL OF COURSE REMAIN NAMELESS and bought some condoms. It seemed like a good place to begin. Because I think the Lord would want us to be prepared. In fact I believe the Lord may have said something to the effect of go forth and be prepared. Oh. Wait. Sorry. That "be prepared" thing comes from the Boy Scouts. Not the Lord. Well. Nevertheless. I think the Lord would want us to engage in preparation. Prepared to celebrate the day of his birth. In a manger and shit. So. Yeah. Condoms.

After my condom expedition at the aforementioned unnamed store I went home. And I took a big swig of the codeine ladden cough syrup. I stopped using a spoon to measure out the dosage days ago. Now I just take a swig or two every couple of hours and it seems to be helping. Well. Sort of helping. Actually. Not really so much helping. But that is another matter entirely and not related to the celebration of the day of the Lord stuff so I won't bore you with the details in this particular post.

Okay. So now we've got condoms and narcotics. Wait. Narcotics. How does that relate to the celebration action. Uh. Well. See. The Lord helps those who help themselves. So. The codeine cough syrup is helping my cough -- sort of see above --and I am helping myself to a big swig of the shit. So I am meeting my end of the bargain and I most certainly hope that the Lord bones up and does the same. Busy guy. I know. But as George Michael once said, you've gotta have faith.

Uh. Where was I. Oh yes. Condoms and narcotics. So that doesn't seem like quite enough. I mean it isn't just any birthday you know. We're talking about the Lord here. Jesus. The savior and shit. I think that's a pretty damn big deal.

So I opened a bottle of wine. You know. To wash the taste of the cough syrup out of my mouth. It isn't such pleasant stuff. The cough syrup that is. Not the wine. And I'm not talking cheap ass wine here either. This is the $10 bottle stuff. You cannot be drinking the cheap two buck Chuck when celebrating the day of the Lord. At least not right away. So I opened some wine and had some friends over for a very delightful vegan celebration of the Lord.

See. Vegan. And you know that I did not have any part in the preparation of said vegan feast. After the previous evening events many of you now know I cannot even make a simple batch of popcorn -- unless it is of the microwave variety. Anyway. No animals were harmed in the making of this day of our Lord. Which is more than I can say for all sorts of other events involving the Lord. You know. That whole baby boy killing thing. And that animal sacrifice business. And let us not forget that whole cruxifiction thing. That was pretty damned harmful.

Hmm. Maybe I've crossed the line of sarcasm a wee bit. I am waiting for the lightening to strike me down at any moment.

Anyway. I rented a few movies to continue the day of the Lord celebration. Here's the lineup: the Omen. Carrie. Rosemary's Baby. Die Die My Darling. Mommie Dearest. They all have the Lord in a starring or supportive role so it seemed appropriate.

I really should have rented the Last Temptation of Christ. I guess I just wasn't thinking.

Oh well. There's always next year.