Projectile Coughing Internal Organs

I think that I have been infected. And it is someone's fault. I do not know who I might be able to blame for said infectedness as virtually everyone I know is currently infected or has been infected as of late. But let me make one thing very clear. I am not pleased.

As you all know. I have survived a fairly recent infection of the avian flu. The particular flu strain that I speak of is the variety that subsequently transforms into something even more diabolical than the avian flu. Once you are relieved of the avian flu symptoms you find yourself infected with tuberculosis. It is thoroughly unpleasant. I do not appreciate tuberculosis. I also did not appreciate the tuberculosis type symptoms that did not resolve for approximately four to six weeks.

But at least it was finally over. Or so I thought. Now I think I have been
re-infected.

Let me share with you how it all began. Yesterday morning I woke from a pleasant night of slumbering in my pleasantly comfortable bed with my even more pleasant sheets. It was. In a word. Pleasant. And then it happened.

I coughed up my spleen.

And let me step back for a moment. Let us put this in the proper context. The coughing originally began somewhere around Sunday. I went to visit my very wise friend in Olympia. And noticed a small almost unnoticeable cough. This almost unnoticeable cough became more noticeable by Monday. And now. It is most certainly no longer unnoticeable.

But I was not prepared for what was about to occur. After all. It isn't every day that you cough up your spleen. So I'm standing in my room looking at my spleen on the floor. And I did what I suppose anyone would have done in a similar situation. I picked up my little spleen and went to the kitchen to wash it off.

So I washed it off. And I shoved my spleen back where it belongs. That wasn't exactly the easiest or most pleasant thing I have done as of late. But somehow I managed to shove my spleen back down. Back into the spleen area.

I spent the majority of the day coughing. Coughing. More coughing. So much coughing that Unnamed Attorney Number Four asked me if I could "cough a little bit more quietly" because said unnamed attorney was meeting with a client and my coughing was causing a disturbance.

My coughing was causing a disturbance. How fucking unfortunate.

Anyway. Last night I saw my dear Dirty White Boy Schricken friend. He has been quite ill as well as of late. He is on the list of potential infectors. However he did redeem himself so he is no longer on the list of individuals who may very well get smited. Anyway. He has now developed a cough so severe that it is inhibiting his intake and outtake of the delicious life sustaining oxygen cocktail. And as a former scientist-y person I can tell you that inhibiting the intake and outtake of the delicious life sustaining oxygen cocktail is not so very pleasant. Or a good idea. I mean really. That is why they call it life sustaining people. Pay attention to language.

So after discussing various descriptors such as "flavor and smooth" jasmine tea and cock flavored noodles and additional observations of the burning of books he took pity on my organ expelling coughing. He was kind. He shared some of his codeine laden cough syrupy stuff with me.

Actually. He was probably just getting tired of my hacking all over his place. Maybe I was inadvertently spitting in his eye. No. That is not true. He is a gem. Not exactly a ruby. Not a diamond. Not really an emerald. Maybe not quite a gem. Maybe a piece of quartz. Or some beach glass. Seriously. He is a damn good friend. Thanks for the codeine dawg.

So I don't know about you. And some of you I really don't know about. And to be quite honest. Some of you I don't want to know about. And some of you I know far too much about. And maybe some of you. I want to know a great deal more about. But let me just state in case anyone is unclear on this point that I am not fond of coughing up my spleen. I like my spleen right where it is. In the spleen area. Not on the floor.

I have spent the majority of the morning/afternoon/evening coughing. And I feel my left kidney starting to break loose. And I know that it is only a matter of time before my kidney is up and out and on the floor.

And I hate it when that happens.