Now I know that I am going to get all sorts of bizarre hits on this page because of the proximity of the words "wide" and "ass" referenced above. In fact. I have been watching you all. Noticing who is coming and going. Not that I really "know" who the hell most of you are given the information available. It is not much. I assure you. But I am curious as to who is who of my dear friends. The only person I can pretty much bet on the identity of is my very wise friend. And this is due to his location.
It is sort of interesting to see where you all are from. Kind of. I mean a little bit. Interesting. Or not really so interesting. Well. It is. Yes. Interesting.
Let me just say that I am quite curious about the individual I will refer to as Yukon Territory. I have a feeling I may actually know. Who. Yukon might be and that perhaps Yukon is not in fact in Yukon. Instinctively I feel this to be true. But perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps there is actually some RCMP secret squirrel monitoring going on.
Do NOT get me started on the RCMP. For those of you who think that moving to Canada might be a good idea especially given our political climate here in the good ol' U S of A let me tell you that unless you have done a bit of research with respect to the actions of the RCMP you do not want to make this move. And this is all I will say on this particular topic for now.
At any rate. Here is what I find even more interesting than Yukon and such. It is most amusing to review the google search terms that brought those of you non-regular readers to this space. Those of you who never intended to read these words. Here are but a few of my favorite examples. Wait. Let me back up for a moment.
Apparently I have used some rather interesting words and groups of words in my postings. I have discovered that I have typed the word "ass" quite frequently. And "ass" is apparently a hot search term. Oh great. Now I have placed the words "ass" and "hot" in close proximity to one another. Great. So I have received many interesting hits from all over the world. For example. Because I did say that I would provide examples. I have received hits on the phrase "sexy ass" from Saudi Arabia more than once. Many many times actually. And I will absolutely refrain from commenting on this little tidbit. Additionally I have received hits on the phrase "male exibitionist" and simply "exibitionist" from various states in our own fine country.
And in reviewing this information I decided to go back and review some of my previous postings in order to determine the context of said searchable words and phrases. I can only imagine the disappointment from my Saudi visitor when it was determine that my use of "sexy ass" briefly referenced my sexy ass friends, but more extensively discussed the consistancy of phlegm I have been coughing up and the thousand and one ways in which I have been scarred by watching an up close and personal video of childbirth. Sorry Sexy Saudi Ass Seeker. Better luck next time.
But I do not mean to imply that all googling individuals have sex on the brain twenty-four-seven. I have received google page hits that had nothing to do with sex. Well. I have received one. And when I say one I mean that many of you have been searching for the lyrics to "The Song that Never Ends" and therefore have. Found my page. However that is the only non-sexual google search term or terms that has brought those of you unwilling individuals to this space. And I have never posted said lyrics to my page. Even though I do have a fondness in my heart for Shari Lewis and Lambchop.
RIP Lamby.
No silly. Not THAT lambchop. This Lambchop.
Have I ever told you about my little stuffed lamb. Probably not. I don't think anyone knows this story. When I was a small child. Perhaps three. My Aunt Stella gave me a stuffed lamb. It was a very simple stuffed animal. I do not even believe it had a mouth. But it went with me everywhere. Much to the chagrin of my parents. Until that fateful day. Lamby Pie was lost.
Yeah. You heard me. Lamby Pie. Do not fuck with the Lamby Pie. I swear I will fuck you up with my steel toed boots if you even so much as make a cross eye at the Lamby Pie.
The losing of Lamby Pie is a long story which I will not relay in this moment. But suffice it to say it was the first of many tragic experiences in my young life. Somewhere there is a photograph of me and LP by a swimming pool in Florida. I shit you not.
But I was talking about Lambchop. And I think that perhaps my favorite episode of Shari Lewis and Lambchop involved Shari making potato latkes. Which of course Lambchop loved. And they sang a little long about potato latkes. Which everyone should do at least once. As an aside. My mother used to make potato latkes. But she isn't Jewish. So she called them potato pancakes instead. Same deal.
But. No one is searching for the potato latkes song. Except for me of course. So. I will do something I would not normally do. I will provide those of you lyric seekers with said lyrics. They are quite simple actually.
Here we go.
"The Song that Never Ends"
This is the song that never ends.
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people starting singing it not knowing what it was.
And they'll continuing singing it forever just because.*
*Repeat above forever and ever.
There. Now you have it.
And let me say that I do believe this has been the longest tangential digression in the history of all tangential digressions. I have perhaps broken my own record for tangential digressions. Indeed. So. I was talking about sleep. Or lackthereof.
Last night I feel asleep at some time I believe after three am. That's three o'clock in the a and the m. After a small coughing episode at two twenty five I finally was exhausted enough to drop into slumber. Unfortunately the alarm clock chimes its final chime at six fifteen. No snooze. And I am starting to think the lack of snooze action was not exactly the best idea after all. But I know that if I had snooze action I would have hit that damn button thirty million times. In fact. I might still be hitting it. And that would probably not be the wisest decision for my career.
But I suppose sitting at my desk. Looking out the window. At the blue sky. And sunshine. Writing this post for all of you is not exactly a. Career wise decision either.
But of course I am just kidding. I am most certainly not writing this at work. No way. I would never do that. Nope.
And I guess I don't really have that much to say about my lack of sleep after all.
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